Iggy's History Lessons
by Silverblazes
Summary: A sort of continuation of Iggy's Bedtime Stories. Iggy shall teach the younger members about the mysteries of life, with some color power point presentations.
1. Chapter 1

Iggy's History Lessons

Prologue

**(Second Installment of Iggy's Bedtime Stories…In a way. If you seriously don't like this tell me in the comments. I just really want to try this..)**

Iggy burst into the lair of The Flock. No one bothered to look up. They were all dreading the day The Second Installment would be made. It looked as if it would never be made.

"I'M HERE!" Iggy screamed, gesturing by flapping his arms wildly around like the fool that he is. Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel all silently walked out of the room, then ran for their dear lives, and sanity. Max sighed and looked at Fang, he returned the look and they both stood up.

"Iggy," Max began, "We think that you should-"

"I AM NOT GOING TO SEE A THERAPIST!"

"No, we tried that already and it failed horribly. We think that you should…get a hobby…or something…"

"I did have a hobby, blowing up things is my specialty. You said that I had to stop because it was 'dangerous' or something. I stopped listening after you said "well being."

Max sighed, "Well Fang and I have to go somewhere, and-"

Iggy laughed, "By 'go somewhere' you mean go make out. Yeah, and I have to baby-sit the young fledglings. I got this!"

"I'm going to regret this horribly later….. Well, see you guys later." Max and Fang took off. Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel had come back in the room.

"SHE DID NOT JUST DO THAT!" Gazzy screamed. Iggy smiled, "Time for a history lesson my precious kitties!"


	2. Chapter 2

Iggy's History Lessons

Chapter 1: George Washington

Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel were sitting on the couch. Iggy burst into the room with an old fashioned chalkboard he had on a clip on tie, and some glasses he must have stolen from a grandmother.

"As you all know, George Washington was the first president of the United States!" Iggy said, "He was BFFs with Abraham Lincoln and was enemies with Napoleon. Now, Napoleon was a short French man, who was bullied in school for being short. And his shortness caused him to be ill mannered and short. Did I mention that he was short?"

" Anyway, Napoleon was all filled up with anger from his days of being bullied. And one of his bullies was George Washington, because, come on, who wouldn't put a short kid's lunch money on a high shelf and laugh as he jumped and tried to reach it?"

Gazzy raised his hand, "Uh, Iggy?"

"That's, Really Awesome Supreme Homeboy to you, Gazzy."

"So your name is RASH?"

"SHUT UP I HAVE THE PIXES ON SPEED DIAL! Anyway, George Washington went every Saturday to get bacon from The French Canadians, on his horse, Nelson, and one day the French Canadians blocked him out. And George Washington was like, "I _know_ you did _not_ just deny me my bacon."

Apparently, Napoleon had had enough of George Washington being totally awesome in from of all his (very few) friends. George Washington had actually married the woman Napoleon wanted to ask out on a date. Napoleon was so short, that no woman could hear him all the way down there.

George Washington told the French Canadians they could keep Canada, and not give it to the United States if they kicked out Napoleon out. The choice was, a short man who had very bad temper tantrums, or a country. Napoleon was kicked to the curb, he escaped to France, never to be seen again. Then again, people usually couldn't see him because they would have to look down straight down at the ground.

Napoleon became rich selling very small cars to people in Italy. To this day, people in Rome and use small cars that cause back problems, Napoleon's last revenge."

Iggy smiled, he walked out of the classroom with his chalkboard. Gazzy, Nudge, and Angel were in shock. Max and Fang returned home to see them in the same position, they had been like that for around three hours. Gazzy finally screamed, "WHAT THE-?" Iggy popped his head in the room, "No swearing little Gazzy, it can cause insanity."

**Author's Note: I…..don't…..even know….**


	3. Chapter 3

Iggy's History Lessons

Chapter 2: The Industrial Revolution

Iggy had entered the room and proceeded to show a power presentation, the image showed a picture of bacon, fried to perfection.

"As you all know, bacon, has been battled over, killed over, even divorced over. Bacon, my friends, is the most unutilized weapon of war. That's why, George Washington was an epic person of bacon. He understood it's power."

Iggy walked around the room, distributing bacon. They ate it, Iggy might be blind, (and insane) but he could still cook.

"Now, as you should know, George Washington went every Saturday to get bacon from the French Canadians. But how did this all start? The Industrial Revolution my friends! This was when Canada started distributing bacon at a very fast pace. The countries of the world enjoyed this delicacy. However, it was not discovered until the time of President George Lucas, that Canadian bacon is in fact just fancy sliced ham."

Iggy waited for a collective gasp that never came.

"Wasn't George Lucas the guy made Star Wars?"

"Of course he was! That's why he became the president! He was the guy who replaced George W. Bush, he was president for exactly 28 minutes. And in those minutes he was still a better president than George W. Bush."

"Where do you get this information from?" Gazzy asked.

"Iggy-pedia of course!"

"Does that even exist?"

"It does if you believe! Believe in the fairies!"

"I thought you told us they were pixies!"

"Your mother was a pixie! I am your father! And I'm wearing intergalactic pants!" Gazzy stared at Iggy, "No you're not."

"Yeah, I know." Iggy said. Angel sighed with relief she was terrified for moment that in fact Iggy was her father.

"Yeah, these aren't my intergalactic pants, they're my Friday pants." Angel passed out from confusion. Nudge dragged her out of the room by her feet. Leaving Gazzy alone with Iggy. Iggy stared at Gazzy, "Well, my job's done Gazzy. See you tomorrow." Iggy jumped out the window. Leaving Gazzy in utter confusion.

**Author's Note: Iggy drinks Red Bull, mixed with Monster, and pixie sticks. I do not recommend this to anyone. Ever. Have a lovely day. **


	4. Chapter 4

Iggy's History Lessons

Chapter 2 The Civil War

"I HAVE A COLORFUL POWERPOINT PRESENTATION TODAY!" Iggy screamed. Gazzy, Nudge, and Angel tried to escape, but Iggy had blocked the exits. Iggy had blocked the doors with bricks, and had drawn pictures of guard dogs to further deter the fledglings from exiting. The dogs, in question, looked more like large brown circles with six ovals coming out of it.

"The Civil war was a war between The North and South parts of America." Iggy began his presentation. The first slide was a picture of America, and had shown the separation between the states. It looked as if they were actually going to learn something.

"Now, I'm sure you'll all familiar with Shakespeare's play, Romeo and Juliet. You see, during this time The North people couldn't marry the Southern peoples, and vice versa. Because everyone was arguing over what should be on the American Flag. North wanted a Unicorn, and South wanted a Mermaid. So Juliet was all prepared to marry this other guy who wanted to have a Unicorn on the flag, and Romeo was a free spirit who didn't care what animal was on the flag, so long as it was magical." Iggy changed the slide to a picture of a Unicorn and Mermaid wrestling.

"One day Juliet was at this dance party, dancing, and feeling miserable. She didn't like the guy her parents wanted her to marry, he was all gross. He was really old, like 30, and he weighed like 200 hundred pounds, and was only like 5 feet and two inches. He had rotten yellow teeth, but he was super rich. I'm talking about like, mansions on the beach, with a home movie theater, and your own monkey butler rich. He also passed gas even more that Gazzy, and his diet made his farts smell like garbage truck filled with sewage, mixed with Max's cooking." Iggy showed them a picture of a garbage truck, he produced a picture of Santa Claus with an arrow pointing towards his rear and a what seemed like a gas bubble choking an elf.

"Anyway, at the dance party, Juliet saw this really awesome guy break dancing showing off his moves to a bunch of ladies. He was doing back flips and handstands, and twirling like ballerina, while Juliet's fiancée was eating a whole roasted pig by himself in the corner. That guy was Romeo. Juliet looked at Romeo and then at her fiancée. She ran to where Romeo was dancing and pushed aside all the other girls admiring him, and said to him, "Wanna dance?" This slide showed a picture of Max, and Fang. Iggy had photo shopped on a medieval gown, and a pointy hat on Fang and some tights and a blouse on Max.

"Now Romeo was all taken back by this girl, she was like, challenging him, and Romeo accepted the challenge. The dancing was so great that night, that America made it a holiday. Labor day. When people labor away at making America an awesome dancing nation. So they fell in love and ran away together. But Romeo got hit by a fat lady and died, and Juliet tried to avenge his death, but instead got hit by the fat lady's husband and died too." Iggy showed them a picture of Ohio.

"This all happened in the Land of Ohio. Everyone in America was sad, because before Romeo and Juliet died they were gonna donate a lot of money to America for an arcade, but when they died their fortune was lost. So the North and South decided that it didn't' matter what their flag looked like, so long as America had an arcade, and so the Civil War ended."

"I hope you all learned from that."

**Author's Note) I think we can all learn from Iggy. **


End file.
